- They started it! Why do I need to be the nice one?
FAQS
Ask yourself: what is important to me about resolving this conflict?
Is the relationship with the other person important to me, and to
them? Who is going to be affected if we don't get an agreement? If the
conflict is hurting no one by remaining unresolved then by all means
let it go. However, chances are that it's costing you or someone you
love in terms of time, energy, or money.
- What's the difference between a position and an
interest? FAQS
A position is the stand that you take, or the ultimatum that you
deliver. "I'm the boss and employees have to do what I say. If
they don't, I'll fire them." An interest is the goal or need that
you have. "Since the business needs to survive and make a profit,
and I value and need my employees, I need to get them to agree to
follow instructions." Positions are very, very hard to relinquish
once a person has stated them, and they can block creative
decision-making. An interest can be expanded to include connections to
other people's interests, and encourage people to make a contribution
based on their interests, rather than their positions, that may work
for everyone.
- Will these techniques work if I'm being harrassed
by someone? FAQS
Most definitely these techniques can work. If you have confidence
in dealing with conflict, you can use your abilities to gently
confront, engage and work with the other person. However, in many
harassment situations, it is extremely helpful to engage a mediator,
who can manage the emotional climate and help all parties be heard,
and move toward problem-solving.
- What do people mean by gender-specific
communication? FAQS
A great deal of research has been done on something we have always
known: that men and women communicate very differently. Part of
conflict competence is learning to understand both the obvious and the
subtle ways in which men and women talk and listen, to make it easier
for people to understand one another and come to an agreement which
works for everyone.
- But what if I'm actually right? FAQS
Again, it depends on how important it is to you to either be in the
right, or to get the conflict solved. Alternative dispute resolution
does not mean compromising your integrity -- such as having the
correct facts of a situation, or even an acknowledgement by the other
party of the correctness of your position. But the sense of being
right IS a position. It isn't an interest, and it can keep you from
working in a creative way with the other party to hear where they
might be right, and what solutions might work for both of you.
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