Research tells us that
"divorce is bad for children." Research also tells us that bad
marriages are bad for kids, too!
Dr. John Gottman, a
scientist who is also a family therapist, asked:
"What
is it about divorce that is bad for children?" and
"What can divorcing
parents do so that their children get hurt less?"
Dr. Gottman studied
large groups of children and families over long periods of time. He found out
that the way parents relate to their children's emotions makes the critical
difference. Gottman found that children whose parents minimized, ignored,
criticized or ridiculed their emotions, or children who simply were left
alone to deal with their feelings, did less well in school, had poorer
health, experienced more trouble in forming long-lasting relationships and
were less satisfied with their careers or work than those whose parents did
what Gottman calls "Emotion Coaching". This was true whether or not
the parents divorced or separated. This was also true even if only one parent
provided emotion coaching.
