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PERSONAL NOTE | HELPFUL HINTS | CONTACT | LINKS
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A note on
language:
Throughout my writing, including this FAQ, I refer to 'child' in the singular
for ease of reference, although I often deal with families where there are
several children, either of a single marriage or blended relationships. I
also use interchangeably 'he' and 'she' in the interests of gender balance.
What is mediation? ADR?
Dispute resolution? Conflict competence?
What does a mediator do?
What if I'm scared of the other
party? Do I have to meet face to face with them?
Should I have a lawyer?
Why should I bother when we're
already going to court?
When doesn't mediation work? How do
I know when it's time to throw in the towel?
- What is mediation? ADR? Dispute resolution?
Conflict competence? Q&A
These are all facets of resolving conflict that is often called
Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR). Conflict Resolution, or ADR,
takes as its starting point that cooperation gets better results than
competition when it comes to seeking agreement on contentious or
difficult issues. (Those who have been through any litigation know its
adversarial method: "I win, you lose.") IN ADR, the goal is
to identify and meet the needs, hopes, fears and concerns of both
people. Whether a skilled neutral person, the mediator, manages the
conversation, or where two people work out their differences, the hope
is for a win-win solution that benefits everybody, addresses the
issues, and creates a framework of respect that makes a better
foundation for the future.
- What does a mediator do? Q&A
A mediator doesn't take sides. She helps all parties talk about
what they view as the problems and issues, in a way that helps
everyone hear each other, guides people into problem-solving, ensures
that emotions are recognized but don't get in the way of the
conversation, and often helps write down the agreements that everyone
has been able to make.
- What if I'm scared of the other party? Do I have
to meet face to face with them? Q&A
If you are in a situation where direct contact with the other
party creates an unacceptable level of fear and anxiety for you, any
competent mediator will know how to work with you and the other party
through telephone calls, conference calls, email and other written
correspondence to help you toward an agreement.
- Should I have a lawyer? Q&A
If you are going to sign a legal agreement of any kind, it is very
important that you get competent legal counsel to examine that
agreement and ensure that your legal rights and responsibilities are
not infringed. I always strongly recommend to my clients to seek legal
advice before signing an agreement.
- Why should I bother when we're already going to
court? Q&A
Mediation has been shown by research to be faster, cheaper and in
almost every case much more satisfying (in terms of concessions won
and conflict resolved) than fighting it out in court. If you have
unlimited funds, time and energy and don't mind the constant stress of
legal action, maybe court is for you. I have developed a Transaction
Costs Analysis sheet that I give my clients so that they can quantify
how much it matters to them in financial, social and personal terms to
choose mediation, litigation, or even just ignoring the problem.
- When doesn't mediation work? How do I know when
it's time to throw in the towel? Q&A
While mediation results in agreement on everything most of the
time, sometimes mediation doesn't resolve all the issues. Occasionally
it's because one of the parties really doesn't want to mediate any
longer, or they went into mediation thinking they could impose their
view on the other and find they can't. Or they may have other methods
in mind to get what they want, such as litigation which they believe
will "punish" the other party. Sometimes the parties really
can't come to an agreement in that forum on a particular question or
issue and need the authority of a third party (such as an arbitrator
or a judge) to make a determination. If you have both (or all) made a
genuine effort and worked very hard on trying to come to an agreement,
it's likely that you have resolved some important issues and you
should still be proud that all of you worked together to agree on the
things that you did. If you all agree that one or two points have to
go to litigation, you can create a legally-binding document that shows
some or perhaps most of what you disagreed on at the start has been
resolved.
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Copyright © 2001 patricialane.bc.ca.
All rights reserved.
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