- What is co-parenting? FAQS
All children need both their parents to work together on their behalf.
This is co-parenting. Often we describe people to whom we are not married
or with whom we no longer wish to live but with whom we have children
as our "co-parents" as it is assumed that if we are partners
or spouses that we are also co-parents.
- What is a co-parenting agreement? FAQS
This is a written, negotiated agreement between two parents of a
child to clearly set out roles, responsibilities, and expectations so
that the child will not only be well cared for, but able to develop
the relationship with each parent that the child should have.
- Does everybody need one? FAQS
Everyone makes agreements about how to co-parent after separation.
Sometimes these agreements are one-sided and hard to maintain, or they
are merely verbal and short-term. Many parents find that negotiating
an agreement, writing it down and signing it, and giving it the force
of a legal document helps immensely in clarifying their goals and
desires as parents, and hearing the other parent's agreement on how to
work for the best interests of their child.
- What is emotional intelligence? FAQS
The ability to be mindful of the emotions at play as well as the
content of the discussion. What are you feeling? What is the other person
feeling? How might those feelings be affecting your ability to talk
about the content? What do you need to feel to deal more productively
with the content? What about the other person? What about your
children? For more information click here.
- What if my ex doesn't want to have a co-parenting
agreement and I do? FAQS
You do have a co-parenting agreement. The only issue is will you write
it down or develop some structure for it. If they are resistant to
formalizing it, just do the best you can with what you have. If things
get really bad you can ask a judge to impose an order.
- My son is eleven - isn't he old enough to decide
for himself which parent he wants to be with? Surely children should
have input into the things that affect them? FAQS
Asking your child to make such choices puts them into a loyalty
bind. Whatever choice they make, a parent is likely to feel hurt or
angry. Most importantly the child will very often feel hurt, guilty
and alienated. It makes sense to ask your son open questions about
what he wants, feels and needs and use that information to make good
decisions for him -- but you are the parents and it is your
responsibility to make the choices that will best support your child.
- What if it's only a trial separation? Do we need
one anyway? FAQS
It's important, in my opinion, to come to some clearly-stated
agreements about caring for your child even if it is, in your opinion,
just a trial separation. To your child it doesn't feel like a
"trial" separation -- it feels like the real thing! -- and
she deserves a measure of predictability, security and love from both
parents. An added consideration is that, as the two of you develop the
co-parenting agreement, you will probably come to understand and
respect one another better, and that will not only benefit the two of
you in future discussions and negotiations, but most importantly it
will very much benefit your child, who will see both her parents
modelling perseverance, respect, courtesy and a host of other positive
qualities.
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